The Museum of Idolatry

Bullwhip Guy

This video is a DEAD ON the mark parody of Emergent Guru Rob Bell's Nooma video Entitled Bull Horn Guy.

Some Heretical Holiday Mischief

It's the holidays and there are some fun and silly sites available for all kinds of mischief. Thanks to a regular visitor to our museum we've discovered the Elf Yourself website. Rather than tell you what this site does, we thought we'd show you. Drum roll please!

For your heretical holiday pleasure we present you with these two short elf dancing segments (Baptists please don't watch these. It may be a sin.)

The "Religious Left" Holiday Dance Elves
Starring Rick Warren, Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama & Brian McLaren

Click Here to See Them Dance

Note: This dance sequence was made in "honor" of Hilary Clinton's standing ovation given to her at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church on November 29, 2007

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The Prosperity Dance Elves
Starring Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Benny Hinn and T.D. Jakes.

Click Here to See Them Dance

A "Church" That Doesn't Want to Rescue Individuals from Hell

The mission page from St. Mark's Presbyterian "church" in Newport Beach, California states:

"Our emphasis is not on converting souls to Jesus so that individuals will be rescued from hell. Our emphasis is on partnership with Jesus Christ"

Umm...since Jesus Christ said that He came to seek and save the lost. (Luke 19:10) then how on Earth can this church be in partnership with Jesus? Jesus' agenda and mission is different than theirs.

Living Life Abundantly Board Game

Here is the description of this heretical game taken directly from their website.

"This is not just another game to be placed on the shelf with all other games after playing it a few times. This game is one that families, friends, church groups or schools will play over and over for a life time! Why? Because, the more they play this game, the more they will prosper in all areas of their lives.

Living Life Abundantly is a game for families, friends and church groups or schools to:

1. Have fun interacting with each other

2. Learn how to use the laws of prosperity

3. Enhance and develop their prosperity consciousness

4. Stop expressions of lack and limitation and

5. Promotes expressions of abundance such as this: I willingly see myself as God sees me, whole, complete and perfect, lacking nothing!

To live life abundantly according to God's prosperity laws, you shall prosper in all areas of your life, experiencing a balance and harmony in areas."

HT: Tithe Stewardship & Church Tithing

Will it Preach? - A Photographic Art Exhibit

We've created our first photographic art exhibit. It looks at the messages of Joel Osteen and Paula White and takes them out of their American context and asks the question "Will It Preach?". Each photograph has either Paula's or Joel's "message artwork" super imposed over a photo from another part of the world.

Below is an example. Click Here To See The Rest of Our Exhibit.

Savin Up For Jesus?

Saved and (unrepentantly) Gay?

New Covenant Church in Atlanta, Georgia believes and teaches that you can be an unrepentant homosexual and a born again Christian at the same time. They've come to this conclusion by ignoring the clear passages of scripture and misinterpreting and misapplying unrelated passages of scripture. Here is their hermeneutic:

• Marriage is first and foremost about companionship and compatibility (Genesis 2:18)

• Marriage is love and submission (Eph 5:21-33)

• Marriage is monogamy (1 Cor. 7)

• Since gender doesn't exist in the spirit (Gal. 3:28), and we walk in the spirit and don't mind (or focus on) the things of the flesh (Romans 8:5), then marriage goes beyond gender and becomes a matter of the soul and spirit - two becoming one.

The reason why their conclusion is false is because they ignore the clear passages that rule out this interpretation.

1Corinthians 6:9-11   Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Timothy 1:8-11   Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, 9 understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, 10 the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, 11 in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted.

These passages are undeniably clear. That is why one of the primary rules of Biblical Interpretation is that the clear and unambiguous passages always govern the unclear ones. As loving and "Biblical" as New Covenant's Chruch's interpretation sounds, it is deceitful and unloving because they are misleading their members into believing a lie that has eternal consequences.

HT: Reformation Nation

Perfume of Heaven??

Tis the season to rip off Christians cause they're so gullible they'll buy anything.

HT: Slice of Laodicea

Tears of Christ?

Here is the homepage from a site that is selling the tears of Christ as jewelry. Imagine how much holier you'll be after you purchase a silver Hershey's Kiss. (Well that's what we think they look like.)

Dashboard Jesus

Jesus can now be your personal driving savior. He'll never leave you nor forsake you. But when you disregarding the speed laws his holy face will be there to lovingly remind you to slow down.

Lovers of Self!

2 Timothy 3:1   But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money ...

Heavy Drinker?

Here is a positive message for Christians to be sending. The person who doesn't read BOTH sides of this shirt will think you need to go to AA.

Saddleback Church Purchases Disneyland for Undisclosed Sum

The latest salvo in the Mega-Church wars has just been unleashed with Saddleback Church's purchase of the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, California. Saddleback insiders have informed us that the purchase was prompted by Rick Warren's sagging numbers in the latest Mega Pastor Popularity Polls. The latest figures show Rick Warren polling at a disappointing 3rd place among America's Most Popular Pastors. Joel Osteen is in first place followed closely by Paula White.

Saddleback Church's Official press-release announcing the purchase said:

"We are pleased to announce the purchase of the Disneyland Resort. This strategic acquisition will usher in the next phase of Saddleback Church's growth through the creation of the most seeker-sensitive property on planet earth. This new and innovative approach to church and evangelism will draw millions of people each year who would never normally set foot in a traditional church."

Rick Warren says that the park's rides will remain intact but that the park will be renamed PurposeLand.

Said Warren, "We already have plans to begin offering multi-themed worship experiences similar to the worship venues at our main campus.

Starting this Sunday seekers can choose from among these new and immersive worship experiences.

The Jungle Cruise Worship

This eco-friendly worship venue will teach the importance of being a good steward of the Earth. Come dressed in khaki and we'll supply the pith helmet and jungle drums.

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The Pirates of the Purpose-Driven

Avast thar matey! Set sail on this high seas worship adventure.

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Spaced Mountain

This is our fastest and quickest worship venue. Services are only 2 minutes long but worshipers reach speeds of 80 miles an hour and experience up to 3 G's.

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P.E.A.C.E. Plan World
(Formerly the Small World)

Join the children of the world in learning the basics of Rick Warren's Global P.E.A.C.E. Plan in this fun whimsical family friendly worship venue.

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Ribbon cutting ceremonies for the newly acquired park will be later this week. Senators Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama have already said that they will be in attendance.

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Please Note: This post utilizes a logical type of argumentation known as Reductio Ad Absurdum. It assumes Saddleback's ideas regarding church and evangelism are true and then runs them to their absurd logical conclusions.

Here is a the graphic for a REAL Saddleback worship venue. Click Here to see source.

Do you get the point?

The Super Fun Activity Bible

You have to look really close or you'll miss the fact that this comic book looking magazine with the Top Secret decoder and the article about Real Super Heroes is also a Bible. This feels like the spiritual equivalent of drowning veggies in syrup so that your kids will eat them. What ever happened to a plain old Holy Bible?

Jesus the Ballet Instructor

Jesus looks a bit out of place as a ballet instructor. Maybe he should teach them how to tippy toe on water.

Patriotic Salvation in Jesus

We didn't know that the Ixthus was supposed to fly the stars and stripes.

Jesus Skateboarding in His Skivvies

This is a fine and reverent way to depict the Lamb of God, King of Kings and Maker of Heaven and Earth.

"Christian" Hand Bag

This is a "Christian" Hand Bag from Family Christian Stores that fine retailer of all things "Christian". What makes this particular hand bag "Christian" you ask? Well the very hard to see cross that is dangling from the top of the bag, duh!

Jesus Robot?

This is a strange bit of Jesus Junk from Japan. Look closely at the box. This Jesus Robot promises to bring you 'true love'. The makers of this robot must have seen the Christian Erotica Wing of our Museum.

"Faith House" The Broad Road to Destruction

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This logo says much much more than anything we could say. This is the logo for Faith House in Manhattan. This is an Emergent organization whose supporters include Brian McLaren and Tony Campolo. Here is what their mission statement says"

"OUR MISSION: We want to start a new kind of community in which we can discover The Other (individuals or groups other than those we belong to), deepen our personal and corporate journeys, and together participate in repairing the world. In this endeavor we will honor and learn from teachings, practices, and suffering of people from religions, philosophies, and worldviews, different from our own. Instead of isolating ourselves into like-minded groups or melting together into a single-minded organization, we will learn to live together with our differences and in a way that contributes to the wellbeing, peace, joy, and justice in the world. In this endeavor we will always be a courageous, hospitable and learning community."

We as Christians are called to proclaim and defend the ONE and ONLY way of salvation through Jesus Christ alone. The Emergent Church for years has been deconstructing and attacking these exclusive truths and have instead embraced relativism, openness and syncretism. This is a great example of the bad fruit being produced by the Emergent tree.

Princess Bible?

Where we come from being a Princess is NOT a good thing. This is not an attitude that should be reinforced by pandering to it with a Bible.

It's About Money! It Should Be About Jesus!

Jesus is My Homeboy Sweatshirt and Ladies Thong?

Those folks at JesusIsMyHomie.com are offering some of the most irreverent merchandise that we've seen (and we've practically seen it all). Below is their Jesus is my Homeboy hooded sweatshirt. But the product that takes the prize is their Ladies Thong. Click Here to see it.

A Beatles Christmas

Oh those clever folks at Granger have suuuuuuch an innovative and kewl thing that they are going to be doing this holiday season. It's the Christmas story as told by Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO.

But wait...John Lennon was hostile to Christianity and said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. George was into eastern mysticism and Paul and Ringo are not know for their Pro-Jesus stance. So why would Granger feature the Beatles for Christmas?

Well we can't wait to see what all the other "innovative" non-faithful churches are going to be doing this holiday season.

Jesus' "Graduation Picture" on a Mouse Pad

"I Love Jesus" Shot Glass?

Hmmmm...maybe this is what they use for communion down at the Salvation Saloon.

The Gay & Lesbian Bible?

What do you do if you are unrepentantly engaging in the sin of homosexuality but you want to be Christian? Simple, write your own Bible that carefully removes any mention that homosexuality is a sin.

Here what the website for the NEW Gay & Lesbian Bible says:

"The New Testament in the original Greek does not speak against Gay, Lesbian, Bi or Transgender people. Yes, many Christians believe it does, but then again many people believe there were three wise men who visited Jesus as a baby and gave him three gifts....

"The Gay and Lesbian Study Bible, translated from the Greek by Dr Ann Nyland, is a timely contribution to the spiritual needs of gay and lesbian followers of Christ. Dr Nyland's close examination of the source materials shows beyond doubt that there is no textual basis in the Bible for the exclusion of same sex relations. The Gay and Lesbian Study Bible will give heart to many who feel that sexual orientation is irrelevant to spiritual communion..."

Click Here to visit the website for the Gay & Lesbian Bible.

Jesus the Coffee Filter?!?

Errr... ummm... maybe we shouldn't comment on this one.

Some Socks to Go With Your "Christian" Argyle Shoes

We're no fashion experts but we think it would just be sweeeet to wear these socks with the "Christian" Argyle shoes while wearing a pair of shorts. Talk about making a bold statement..

"Christian" Argyle Shoes

Believe it or not these Argyle Shoes are "Christian" shoes. They are being sold by a very famous "witness wear" company. So what about these shoes makes them "Christian"? Well...the very small tag on the back of the shoe that says "not of this world".

Anyone who is a Christian today because of these shoes, please email us.

Rick Warren's Denial of Faith Alone

Pay close attention. This video shows Rick Warren denying the doctrines of Sola Fide, Solo Christo & Sola Deo Gloria.

If you're not sure what that all means, here is a link to a lecture given by Chris Rosebrough (The Curator of this Museum) that Biblically refutes Warren's teaching. Click Here to Listen You can view the powerpoint slides for this lecture by clicking here.

***For more context for the video clips read this article and watch the video of the sermon entitled Managing Your Time

John 3:16   “For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 5:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.

John 6: 27 Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” 28 Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” 29 Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”

Whistle for the Holy Spirit?

Just think, The Holy Spirit is now at your every beck and call. All you have to do is whistle for Him.

Holy Pancake Auctioned on eBay

Apparently, Jesus and Mary have appeared on a pancake in Port St. Lucie, Florida. This "miraculous" breakfast has been auctioned on eBay for $338.

Gospel Aerobics - An "Inspirational Workout"

From time to time we have to feature an exhibit more than once here in the museum. Paul Eugene's Gospel Aerobics are unique to say the least and worth another look. Enjoy

Moving to the Word

Moving to the Word also includes a Bible Based Weight Loss plan. Apparently this information is found in the lost Epistle to Jenny Craig.

From the Heavy Metal Bible Series

Below is a photograph of the actual cover of a Bible offered by Tyndale House. Maybe people ought to wear their favorite Jesus Cola T-Shirt while reading this Bible.

Major League Rip Off

Bible Verse Fortune Cookies

Far too many Christians already read their Bible as if it is a collection of fortune cookie sayings. They rip verses from context and make them say what ever they want. Of course, they learned this technique from men like Joel Osteen and Rick Warren. So, it makes perfect sense that enterprising companies would begin selling Bible Verse Fortune Cookies. We bet there won't be any verses that talk about sin and its consequences. That would ruin the fun.

"Sandal Scandal" Marches On

The more we investigate the sandal scandal the more dirt we uncover. We really feel like we've stepped in it.

Here is another example of a retailer shamelessly offering to help people, "Walk in the foot steps of Jesus". This time, however, the product is a tiny golden Jesus Sandal pendant. How are we supposed to get our feet into something that tiny? Did Jesus really wear golden sandals? We bet this retailer has never really walked a mile in Jesus' sandals.

Holy Laughter??

WWF Jesus?

Maybe pro wrestling is real after all.

Wouldn't it be great if this artist would show Jesus smashing the devils head in with a folding chair or squeezing the life out of satan with a sleeper hold? (that was sarcasm)

Squirrels and Sex??

This is an advertisement for the new book "Going All the Way" by LifeChurch.tv Pastor Craig Groeschel. Be sure to watch the whole video so that you can hear the double entendre 'punch line' of this advertisement for a "Christian" book.

Joel Osteen's Board Game

If you haven't seen Joel Osteen's Game, then please take some time to familiarize yourself with it. To get the full effect, we strongly recommend that you take the time to read the games instructions. (Yes these are the real instructions. This is not satire)

The principles taught in this game as well as Osteen's books are all obsessed with self and success. These ideas will send many people to hell BUT the good news is that they'll feel better about themselves for whatever little time they have left before they die.

Sex Crazy

Here is yet another 'brave' church that is willing to talk about sex. All these churches act like their the "only" church in the world willing to talk about sex. But if you peruse the past exhibits of our museum it becomes very clear that 'sex talk' churches are a dime a dozen.

But this church has some interesting sermon titles. What on Earth does it mean to raise a 'sexually satisfied kid'?

Will the "Real" Jesus Sandals Please Step Forward?

If you ever spend time surfing on-line "Christian" stores then you've probably run across a few websites that are offering to sell you "Authentic" Jesus Sandals. These retailers are VERY certain that buying a pair of Jesus Sandals will help you "walk in the footsteps of Jesus". It all sounds so pious. But then we noticed that every site had their own interpretation of Jesus' sandals. In fact, no two were ever alike. Below are some samples.

We feel like we've stumbled upon a real sandal scandal.

If buying a pair of Jesus Sandals will "help us walk in the master's footsteps" then isn't it important to make sure that we're buying the right ones?

Jesus Wants You To Learn "How to Be Rich and Have Everything You Ever Wanted"

This video is a commercial for the "Reverend" Robert Tilton's book entitled "How to Be Rich and Have Everything You Ever Wanted". This book promises to teach the "secret" to attaining riches.

Luckily for you, we here at a the Museum of Idolatry have seen this book and know the "secret" that Tilton's book teaches. In an act of pure selflessness we are going to share the "secret" with you and we won't charge you for this important information. Are you ready? Here is the secret:

You can be rich and have everything you ever wanted, by simply sending Robert Tilton some money — $100 is the lowest suggested "Prove-God offering".

Isn't that easy?

Don't you love it when people turn the gospel of Jesus Christ into a get rich quick scheme?

Jesus Tongue Piercing Barbell

Nothing says I love Jesus more than this Jesus Tongue Piercing Barbell. Jesus was pierced for your transgressions, why not return the favor?

Jesus Cola Wars

Imagine how embarrassing it would be if you purchased a witness wear t-shirt that used a spoof of the Coca-Cola logo to share the faith but then you found out that the un-churched people in your community prefer Pepsi. Don't worry. Those clever business people at Kerusso have got you covered. Just buy both t-shirts from them and you'll be ready to share the faith with both Coke and Pepsi drinkers.

Leave Britney Alone!

Here is another commercial for the City Church in Chicago. Our jaws are still hurting after hitting the floor while watching this.

Git • Er • Done (Jesus Will)

We bet you didn't know that Larry the Cable Guy's line "Git Er Done" is actually some type of Christian code phrase that you can use to share your faith. (We didn't know that either)

If you read the small print on this t-shirt it says "Jesus Will".

Note: If anyone became a Christian as a result of this t-shirt, will you please email us.